So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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