I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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