I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
