Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
