I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
