ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
