Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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