Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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