She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
