OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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