I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
