you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
