your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
