I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
time to smoke my breakfast
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
