we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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