I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We are two peas in an std pod
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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