I can tuck mytits in my pants
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You've changed since you got that strap on
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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