Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
