I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
