My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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