God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
