i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
