All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
