Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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