I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So here I am, sexting at work.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
