I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
