I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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