I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
