i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
