i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
