Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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