We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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