he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
