If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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