Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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