Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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