So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
