I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
