We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
