someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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