Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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