well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
