Whod you bang
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize