brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize