conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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