What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
