haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
