accomplished twins. life is a go
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
