Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
