literally had 100 drinks last night.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
