You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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