i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
