if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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