Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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