Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
