Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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