Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
