so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
