so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
