thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
