grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
