I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
