I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I am midnight drunk by noon
worst night to have a conscience
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
