Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
