Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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