no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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