My liver just broke up with me...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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