so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
