i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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