Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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