so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
