Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
