Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
