you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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