I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
