The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We are all done wearing pants today
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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