yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
