Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
