So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
