I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
